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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Have a Sneeze.

We mentioned to The Gentleman that it was time for his post on a very sort of Pollen-ish day last week. The Gentleman looked at us and sneezed and wheezed and choked; eyes red and bleary and voice hoarse.
"What?" he managed to squeeze out.
It was a Spring-ish "what", well-fleshed with pollen and all that. We decided to leave him alone. He will be writing a post as soon as he gets over his extreme (ahem) joy (ahem) at it's being Spring again. Until then, have a tissue and a face-mask and hide from all this yellow powder! :)

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Those Awkward Moments...

Dear World,
     I am alike a certain literary character in that  I dearly love to laugh. "What does The Cock-Eyed Optimist like to laugh at?" you might wonder. I love to laugh at people and their oddities and inconsistencies. I never laugh at that which is good and noble, but those things that are a little ridiculous you might find me chuckling over. (Read: you most definitely will find me chuckling over)
The Nocturnal Why is a social-butterfly in that she cannot live without So-ciety. I am a hybrid--I love people dearly, but I am also content to amuse myself. When I am in a group of people (and perhaps it's just the writer in me) I love to study them and try to make out their character.

This odd practice has lead to several humorous observations. Poor people--their little sham-performances are not lost upon me. :D One of the funniest--and yes, I've done it before--is the use of nick-names, slang, and otherwise imperfect titles when you refer to a book, author, etc. to sound smart.

A person who has once been embarrassed by referring to Les Miserables phonetically (Less Miserables) will from that day hence call it "Les Mis"--as chummy as you please. It little matters if you haven't the foggiest idea who Jean Valjean is; you can pronounce the title and sound "in," if you will.

Another common tactic for those who like to sound well-read (even if they aren't particularly so) is to speak of authors by their last names. Think about it: A person who goes around saying "Charles Dickens" sounds as if they just got done swallowing A Tale of Two Cities for high-school English class. A person who refers to "Dickens" in an off-the-cuff, self-assured manner has made himself master of the name and all Society bends knee. But "Dickens," "Austen," and "Lewis" are on the lower end of the importance spectrum. It is even better if you can parade your "Dante" or "Hugo" or "Chesterton", for precious few people get truly familiar with those great authors.

I think it rather amusing too when a person tries to repeat a famous quote, intending to repeat it verbatim and hashing it terribly, only to end with: "Well, I'm paraphrasing!" :D

Another Social Masquerade I love to watch is two near-strangers recognizing one another at a social function outside of their usual stomping-grounds. The body-language is hilarious. There is the accidental catching of the eye. The back straightens. A few more looks are stolen by each party. If the two acquaintances are both of a reticent nature it may go no farther. But there are some who have Social consciences. These will continue to steal side-long glances and pretend they want punch that they might get a better view of their acquaintance. What on earth are they wanting to assure themselves of? There simply cannot be another person in America with such flaming red hair and a nose that big, I'm sorry.
But their little charade goes on. Both parties circle the room like sharks, veering off in the opposite direction when the other sees them. The web of nonchalance grows more intricate. The circle grows tighter, the glances more frequent. Having assured yourself that that the person is indeed who you took him to be from the first, the moment is fast-approaching when this loitering cannot continue. You are now a mere 5 feet from each-other. With a last turn you find yourself face to face with your acquaintance, both of you red-cheeked, hot, and damp from the exertion of Pretending. If you are really good you will have remembered this acquaintance's name and the fact that their mother was ailing from a paper-cut the last time you met. (Which was two years ago.)

You inquire after the mother.

You exchange incidental remarks that you will feel stupid for on the way home.

You make fierce, dogged conversation on random subjects such as...hummingbirds--a topic neither of you have ever thought of in the whole course of your lives, but that lent itself to the situation in such a way that you could kiss the buzzing bird and revere it for all eternity.

You sip your punch and stare hard at the other side of the room, pretending you are much enthralled with watching something--anything.

The conversation dwindles. You both stare at the same nothing pretending it is something and hoping your partner will not guess anything.

You both glance back at the same moment and find twin discomfort and awkwardness in the others eyes.

You laugh--too loudly.

You say good-bye too warmly.

You leave, too red.

It is an old drama, and one that I hate repeating myself. What is it that causes people to act in these silly ways?

Self-consciousness. Yes. That old dragon. I find one glare from his glimmering golden eyes will set my blood rushing, as I know it does to the person who has mispronounced Les Miserables or the amateur who goes about calling authors by their last name, or to those two actors in that play of Not-Noticing.
The consciousness of Self.

Self--that other dragon who comes in so many forms it can always catch the average person unawares. It has often occurred to me that self-consciousness is just a backward form of vanity. We sit there thinking about how much other people are thinking about us. It causes embarrassment and awkwardness where there need be none.
We probably wouldn't worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do.  ~Olin Miller
That quote hits home because it is so true. That's why I laugh over the little social charades and all the sham performances--when all is said and done you can be assured that you think of yourself far more than anyone else does.
“People may flatter themselves just as much by thinking that their faults are always present to other people's minds, as if they believe that the world is always contemplating their individual charms and virtues.”
― Elizabeth Gaskell
 We ought to slay the dragon Self--it's an old worn out beast who clings to us because of our sheer perversity in giving him credence. Think about it: how many little pretendings and silly affectations would disappear if we thought less of ourselves and how we might sound, and focused instead on making one or two intelligent remarks?

You might cheat me of one of my treasured laughs, but I'd donate it, tax-free. ;)

         Everly,

Friday, March 2, 2012

Anglorum est valde aliena lingua.....

First off, I'd like to introduce myself to you all. :) I'm The Nocturnal Why , sister of both The Cock-Eyed Optimist and the Gentleman. Fancy that, huh? ;)  I love to sing, play piano, debate the randomest things at night with my sister (whether I'm right or wrong), and I love to laugh. 




The English language.

Yes. It is a *very* broad subject...
but have no fear. I'm no linguist and will not be giving a long drawn out lecture. 
It's just that recently, I have been picking up on some very odd and funny things about our native tongue. 
Check out this for instance:

"There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why hasn’t the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down,
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all.)

That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts,
But when I wind up this poem
It ends."


I first heard this poem years ago through a forwarded email, but it does state some very interesting facts about our beloved language. One thing you may like to know about me is I am "a latina scolaris".


(That's "a latin scholar" for all you out-of-towners;) And learning a new vocabulary has made me draw parallels and differences between those two languages. For example: In my point of view,  Latin is way more complicated--you have one single word "ago" that means "do, drive, act or treat". Another thing...
I don't believe English nouns can be classified as far to the extent as Latin ones.(Five declensions, three cases, and three genders!) Then again, in English the letters "ough" can be pronounced about five different ways, depending on the word! Here's a quote by Bill Bryson on this same topic:

English grammar is so complex and confusing for the one very simple reason that its rules and terminology are based on Latin, a language with which it has precious little in common.”


But please don't take me wrong. I am not down-ing either language. I have grown to love the awesome tool and challenge languages can be. And I'm sure there are far more mind-boggling tongues in the world, as well. :) Now for an intermission of a few fun clips that came to mind while brainstorming this post. :)


{"Why Can't the English?" from My Fair Lady}

 
{A short clip from the "I Love Lucy" episode, The English Tutor}

Ah. There. It's fun to be reminded how quirky, confusing, and fun our vocabulary is! :) If you've enjoyed this post, hop over here for more interesting notes on the English language.

And a quote to close with:

"To write or even speak English is not a science but an art. Whoever writes English is involved in a struggle that never lets up even for a sentence. He is struggling against vagueness, against obscurity, against the lure of the decorative adjective, against the encroachment of Latin and Greek, and, above all, against the worn-out phrases and dead metaphors with which the language is cluttered up."
 — George Orwell 
 In conclusion, I'd like to say that I love this crazy, confuzzling, amazing language, and am so glad that I grew up speaking it! :D Hopefully this hasn't been too sporadic and random, and you were a bit amused by reading this post. Until next time!